Shiroko no Basketbrawl
by PRINCESS-JOFFREY
Summary: Critics call it "a must read". "Gripping from start to finish". "A basketball adventure that resonates with the soul and speaks to the human condition." "If you don't read this I will eat all of your food."
1. Basketbrawl GO! A Mysterious Student!

**(**okay, before u start insulting my work i'll have you know i am a profesonal writer and have been doing this for many years, probes more than yew have even been alive! so think about that before you insult my works as kuroko fanfic extrodanaire. i see you judging me. don't think i won't come over there.)

it was the end of the winter cup. seirin had fought long and hard, like they always do. in fact, they do it so much that their considering making it their official slogan - "long and hard". Kagami suggested they should put it on matching jerseys and Izuki agreed but Hyuga was an ass lord and said no. that random cat guy that never does anything mewled in disagreement, and then his team mates threw meow mix into the distance to get him to go away.

"works every time" said Teppei. he threw extra cat treats because of his freakishly massive hands. he calls it the right of post-nyanment.

all the team mates stood in the school yard. it was their first day back after the winter cup, the results of which had been very intense and shocking and something all the manga readers would know and i totally read it so I totally know what happened. so anyway, after that riveting final match between seirin and that amazing team that wore those cool jerseys, the seirin boys arrived on the school grounds for a new year.

"alright, fellas" said Hyuga robustly. "We need to work even longer and harder if we're going to win the next cup …"

"what? no one told us it would be this soon." said Izuki. "you mean to tell me … you're springing news about the spring cup on us?" his eye twinkled mysteriously.

"no fools" said Hyuga, pushing his glasses up into the sky because he was so appalled. "the spring cup is for the little league. what we're entering is … the ultimate level 100 basketbrawl tournament of Xtreem terror."

the sunlight glimmered down upon ye youthful faces. "nani?!" said Kagami. "you must be crazy. desu."

"respect your elders sonny!" Hyuga shouted, his false teeth flying from his face from the weight of his scream. he hastily picked it back up and everyone pretended not to notice.

"he's for real …" said Kagami. "I've got to tell Kuroko about this. I wonder where he is."

"I'm right here" said Kuroko, peeking out from inside Kagami's jacket.

"oh" said Kagami.

"but don't we need the coach's permission for this? i love how you conveniently left her out," said that one guy.

"didn't you see? she's right here." said Hyuga Junpei. He then put on a brown wig.

"that's just you in a wig" said Kagami.

Hyuga Junpei removed his pants to reveal a skirt.

"COACH!" the team exclaimed. "When did you get here?!"

"I am here to explain the ultimate level 100 basketbrawl tournament of Xtreem terror, so listen up! we have risked many things in our basketball adventures. we have risked losing. we have risked our pride. in kiyoshi's case, we have risked our very health to participate in this magical sport."

"ya" said Teppei. "actually I have an announcement about that-"

"EXCUSE YOU, who has the whistle?! is it you?!"

"um" said Teppei, straightening his pink feather boa.

"NO. IT NOT YOU IT ME."

"yes coach" said the team, an aura of blue anime lines surrounding them.

"now. as I was saying. we have risked a lot together as a team. but we are better now. for this tournament, we will be risking something much greater …."

"….."

"…"

"…..we will be risking" said coach after a long dramatic pause ….. "our very lives."

A lightningbolt crashed down dramatically! seirin stared in horror! except for kagami who seemed oblivious or something .

"that's right. it is a life or death tournament. we want to be the best in japan?" said hyuga, raising his eyebrows as his glasses shone with the power of 50 mighty suns. "then let's become the only team in japan. no one can beat us if they're dead."

"hyuga …. you're … dead serious about this. it's a grave decision that i for one am dying to make." said Izuki. crickets began to sound. everyone was silent. "this steak is steaklicious" he added. everyone burst out laughing, slapping their thighs in utter amusement and joy.

"I don't know if we're good enough," said that one guy.

"no wonder you don't have a speaking role. cut that shit out, ain't nobody got time for that negativity." said Hyuga.

"sorry …" said the guy, his brown locks swaying in the wind, his ambiguously coloured eyes shining darkly.

"the power of teamwork!" blurted Kagami, aggressively fist bumping everyone around him.

"aGH" said a math club student, falling over as Kagami's fist rippled through the air into his stomach.

"Kagami control yourself!" said Hyuga, who had been knocked onto the concrete from the force of Kagami's fist bump. "I think you may have broken one of my knuckles but it's okay, let's just continue this discussion."

"Okay." said Kagami. "desu."

"Now Seirin Student A had a point back there," said Hyuga. "we have a long, hard way to go if we want to defeat the competition this year. that is to say, kill them."

"ok then Hyuga."

"As we are now we don't stand a chance" said Teppei, removing his pink slippers. "We need … something. that special something. but what is it?"

"we have a long, hard time ahead of us to figure it out" said Hyuga.

"Where did the captain go?" said Kagami. Hyuga put on his pants.

"Hyuga! You missed the discussion!"

"It's because we're late for class! the schoolyard is empty!" Hyuga shouted. and then he ran for the doors. everyone followed him. Kuroko bounced merrily along inside Kagami's jacket as he ran.

"Special something, huh," said Kagami. he walked down the hall and turned the corner into his classroom.

"Now now class settle down" said the sensei.

"Um no one was talking" said a student.

"I get paid to say that. anyway, I know you're all ready to learn. I see you all have your notes and I am just SO EUPHORIC. you don't even know, m'students. but alas, before I begin the lesson, there's something I must do."

"huh?" Kagami looked up from his notes in slow motion. Kuroko watched the front of the class with those vacant eyes that stared right into the abyss.

"Class," said the sensei, adjusting his hat … "I'd like to introduce to you our new transfer student."

The door slid open. A pair of white basketball shoes echoed across the floor.

"Hello," said the transfer student as he faced his classmates. "I am Shiroko Tetsuya. Pleased to meet you."

FX: AGGRESSIVE ROCK MUSIC ED THEME.


	2. Basketbrawl TRY! The Anemic Heart!

(as of my writing this there are no reviews - this was to be expected. that stunned silence says it all. no autographs please ^_^ this is online after all, reader-chan.)

The whole classroom fell silent, except for Kagami who said "T … Tetsuya? That's the same surname as you, Kuroko!"

"actually, Kuroko is my surname."

"What?" said Kagami.

"Tetsuya is my given name."

"What?" said Kagami.

"so, none of this makes any sense."

"Now, Mr. Shiroko Tetsuya!" The teacher looked around the room. "I will be seating you over there by the window next to Kuroko and Kagami!"

The boy approached. It was only now that Kagami and Kuroko could get a good look at him. His hair was as white as a white bedsheet, styled in a way similar to Kuroko's but it was slightly longer. It reminded Kagami of silken cotton balls drifting through the wind. His eyes were white too, but they were outlined in a darker colour so as not to look like an undead scary thing. He stood at a height that was in between Kagami and Kuroko, though they were both sitting down so they couldn't tell that yet. o.o

"Hello," said Shiroko. Kagami flinched - _he talks like Kuroko_! He thought efficaciously. _That soft monotone …. and yet ….. _Kagami looked into his eyes, drawn to them, enraptured by them, swallowed by them. _…He's different. He's not like Kuroko at all. _Kagami found himself unable to look away.

"What's that look for, Kagami-kun?" Said Shiroko.

"How did you know my name?!" Kagami gasped!

"The class list was on the board" Shiroko explained, staring back at Kagami with a hint of a smile.

"What … but … there are no photos on that list! How do you know who-"

"EXCUSE ME M'STUDENTS!" Shouted sensei, slamming his hands onto his desk and shattering it. Many sweatdrops ensued. The class decided not to speak again until lunch time.

This was it. The time had come. The minute hand flicked, ever turning in the landscape of time and thusly soforth. Once it reached the black lettered 12, Kagami could no longer contain himself.

"This …" He growled, shaking. "IS **JAPANESE LUNCH TIME RUSH!**" He bolted from the classroom and tore down the halls screaming. Kuroko sat in silence.

"You have a funny friend" said Shiroko. His pale eyes locked with Kuroko's blue ones (in case you forgot).

"Kagami-kun does that every day," Kuroko told him. "Even on weekends. I wonder how he's doing now."

Meanwhile, Kagami rode a surfboard through a wave of hungry students, donning a pair of red shutter shades.

"I see," said Shiroko plainly. Kuroko stared at him, soon finding that he was not the only one. Many pairs of eyes were pinned on Shiroko. even through the classroom windows, students were pressed up against the glass.

"You're popular." Kuroko remarked.

"It _is _my first day as a transfer student…." said Shiroko. His gentle smile grew wider. "People get curious. I wouldn't put much thought into it."

"Right …" said Kuroko … watching Shiroko carefully ….

Once the school day was over, Kuroko had decided to put Shiroko from his mind. there were much more important things afoot, such as the xtream level basketbrawl tournament. He vowed to remember the name correctly next time.

"Alright lads it looks like everyone is here except Kuroko. where is he!"

"I'm here" said Kuroko from atop the basketball hoop.

"Oh ok. come down from there tho we have a lot of practicing to do if we're going to be able to crush the bones of our enemies in the upcoming tournament."

The court was wet with the copious amount of sweat produced by the young shounen basketball players. They had to evacuate for ten minutes so that the janitor could stop by with a mop before the basketball court became a swimming pool. When the sun was setting in the sky, the seirin boys were standing around with towels, as one does.

"Well done everyone" said Hyuga.

"Thanks" said Izuki "but where is the coach?"

Hyuga removed his pants to reveal a skirt.

"COACH, where have you been all practice?!" Screamed the whole team. In unison.

"I was watching from the stands" said Hyuuga. "Anyway I have some feedback. First .. Kagami. good shouting. nice footwork today. I like how you have that dual-colour thing going on with your hair too."

"um" said Kagami.

"Next … Kuroko … were you even playing? just joking. nice passes as usual. your misdirection overflow seems to be in tip top shape good fellow."

"thanx" said Kurok.

"Cat guy, eyebrows guy, other guy, other guy and whoever else … good job."

"thanks" said the rest of the team, except for eyebrows guy who just wiggled his eyebrows and made bizarre hand gestures.

"Izuki, nice guarding but I would appreciate if you kept your hands to yourself during matches. And Teppei …" Hyuga squinted at the tall man who was donning a pink cape today. "Why are you even here?"

"What do you mean?" Asked Teppei questioningly.

"The last game was your … last … game …. and the time before that. And the time before that. You're pretty much retired by now because of your leg, so …"

"About that …" said Teppei … "Allow me to show you …." his eyes glistened and the camera zoomed out dramatically. "What I did over the school break!"

Teppei leapt onto the court with unmistakable speed. His shoes dug into the ground as he propelled himself forward! he dribbled the ball and stuff! Zooming in and out of invisible opponents, Teppei leapt 6 feet into the air and SLAM DUNKED. He was on the ground before the ball escaped the net!

"Ah-!" Said Hyuga, taking up a fraction of the screen.

"UH-?!" choked Kagami, taking up another fraction of the screen.

"H-!" breathed eyebrows guy, taking up another fraction of the screen.

"Ahh!" Exclaimed Izuki, taking up the now crowding screen of shocked faces.

"EH?!" said the others.

"!" said Kuroko.

TEPPEI LEAPT INTO THE AIR AGAIN. A strange, mechanical whirring sound was emitting from him. "That's right everyone," he said while floating in the air, his hair rippling in slow motion as his teeth glistened. "I'm Teppei 2.0 now - in other words …" He did a spin, a jump, a kick, LASERS. "I'm … a cyborg."

Stars were in his teammates eyes. "This is it …" said Hyuga. "We can win like this … Teppei …"

"Teppei …" the team cheered. "Teppei…."

Teppei gave a thumbs up and a cool laugh, descending from his seven foot jump as the ball soared through the hoop. "Yeah," he said, sparkling with sweat and magnificence.

"Teppei …" Seirin continued to cheer, tears of joy in their eyes. "Teppei … !"

A horrible crunch could be heard as Teppei landed on the wrong part of his foot. Sparks flew from his robot knee. As Teppei laid flat on the ground, a few nuts and bolts could be seen rolling across the court …

"o crap, I broke the robot knee."


	3. The Eye Catcher RAINBOW

as the stretcher came to take Kiyoshi Teppei away, the team said their goodbyes.

"Promise to visit me in the hospital …" said Teppei.

"Of course!" said the team, clasping his hand.

"don't … forget about me …" his voice grew quieter. "I'll be … waiting .." His hand fell from theirs.

"TEPPEI!" Hyuga cried. his screamed echoed into the universe. The hospital staff shifted their eyes and loaded Teppei into their ambulance. Seirin watched as it moved down the road.

"well, shit son." said Hyuga. "So much for that. like I said. we're going to have to figure something out if we want to be the best, and only team in japan."

"But without Teppei we're hopeless." said Seirin Student A. "How can we possibly go on after losing such a strong player?"

"It's over …" said the cat guy. His three mouth turned upside down in despair.

"I wouldn't speak so soon," said a mysterious voice.

"EH?!" choked the seirin team, one after the other.

White tennis shoes walked into the room in sl ..o w … motion …. accompanied by some orchestral rock music.

"You're really gymposing on our gym." said Izuki. "This is Seirin's practice time."

"Excuse you!" screeched Hyuga. "WHO HAS THE WHISTLE? Anyway …" he looked at the pair of white eyes … and found himself unable to look away from their glassy shine. "Who are you?" said Hyuga.

"My name is Shiroko Tetsuya," said the student calmly.

"Shiroko … _Tetsuya_?!" Izuki exclaimed. "Kuroko, that's your last name!"

"um .. no …" Kuroko shrunk into the background.

"Who gave you permission to be here!?" Hyuga stepped up to him, inches away from his face, their noses just barely touching. _This is to be intimidating_, thought Hyuuga victoriously, _and not homoerotic. _

"I did," said Shiroko. The tension in the air was thicker than extra crunchy peanut butter.

"Oh?" said Hyuga. "I don't see a Seirin uniform on you."

"I'd like to change that …" Shiroko smiled gently but there was an icy glint in his eyes.

"Tch." spat Hyuga. "Tch tch tch tch tch."

"um Hyuga your spitting on the floor."

"shut up. What makes u think we're even accepting new players, _Shiroko_?" Hyuga's glasses began to fog up. I offer no explanation for this.

"your team can use all the help it can get, if that ambulance is any indication." Shiroko took a mild tone, but his words cut deep …

"we don't need some n00b getting in our way." Hyuuga pushed up his glasses. Kagami glared at the transfer student in the background.

"heyo … maybe we should give this guy a chance, coach." said Izuki vivaciously. "I'm sure we'll have a ball watching him demonstrate."

"Izuku plz" said Hyuga. "F-fine … _transfer student_." His eyebrow twitched. "But we're in this to kill. there's no time for games in my new and improved Seirin."

"I understand." said Shiroko. "Please watch."

What happened next was impossible to describe with words. It was an experience. No one on the team could tear their eyes away from Shiroko as he moved through the court like a majestic wisp of whipped cream. his dribbling was an artform. he jumped … and jumped again … INTO AN ACROBATIC BACKFLIP. the ball was still in his hands when he landed and did three cartwheels and a summersault. the background slowly began to fade into a sea of glimmering sparkles.

"It's strange … he hasn't even made a basket yet but I can't take my eyes off of him." said Hyuga.

"Ya" agreed Kagamam. "It's almost like …"

"Kuroko's misdirection." Shiroko finished, letting the ball drop behind him as he approached the seirin team B-) "I am neither a light nor a shadow" he told them with a dramatic gesture of some sort. "I am the rainbow that escapes the glass prism … drawing all eyes to me ….. "

"thats deep" said the cat guy. "mew."

"you are fantastic on the court" admitted Hyuga, "but can you shoot."

"Hah," Shiroko let out a soft laugh. "_Do coyotes have gills_?" he smirked.

"Um …" Hyuga squinted. " … No?"

"No." Shiroko confirmed.

"So you .. can't … shoot."

"No."

"Oh."

The team stood uncomfortably until someone said something. which was never. they all went home for the day.

"I don't like that guy," said Kagam as he walked home with Kurok.

"He gives me the creeps. Just comes out of no where and sashays around the court … not that it was't impressive tho … but we haven't even seen him play a proper game!"

"I see" said Kuroko.

"And we don't need any other names like Tetsuya. Like … my shadow is Kuroko Tetsuya … My childhood friend is Himuro Tatsuya …. like, what the crap guys."

"That's true" agreed Kuroko agreeably.

"now Shiroko Tetsuya is on my team? I swear … the captain hasn't been acting like herself lately. no way she'd let that guy in right off the bat."

"or off the hoop, so to speak" said Izuki.

"wow Izuki, stalker much? this is a private conversation" said Kagami.

"I need a vanilla shake" said Kuroko.

"let's go then" Kagami put his hand on Kuroko's head and the two of them walked into the sunset. somewhere, a glassy pair of eyes watched them. . . .. . . o.o.o.o.o

"Junpei … " Tears streamed down Riko's dirt-stained face. "Please …. Junpei, let me go." She stared up at the blackened silhouette of Hyuga Junpei. Her wrists struggled at the ropes that bound her hands together.

"It's over, Riko," said Junpei. "We don't need you anymore."

"Junpei …" Riko pressed back against the cellar wall, "why-!" Her breath hitched as Hyuga pulled out the gun. Slowly, he pointed it her way.

"No," she whispered. "Junpei, you wouldn't … you _can't_."

"Oh, Riko," Junpei smiled, his glasses shining in the dark. "You forget one thing." He cocked the gun. "My shots never miss."


	4. MURDER ON BASKETBALL EXPRESS

Hyuuga Junpei put on his brown wig as he approached the gymnasium. today he wore a skirt … and a blue women's cardigan that was speckled with hints of crimson red.

"hey coach" said Kagami as he put on a pair of cool sunglasses. "I like your new shirt."

"yea cool designs coach!" said cat guy. he purred ferociously.

"isn't it a little tight on you?" said Seirin Student B.

"man .. she's even flatter than I thought" said #2. then he was put in his kennel.

"no time for compliments boys" said Hyuga. "we have a tournament to practice for."

the team ran around on the court and stuff. hyuga threw the ball to the other end of the court. "pass to Kagami!" he shouted. Shiroko did a roundhouse kick into the ball which flew into Kagami's hands at literally the speed of sound. there was also a rainbow aura around the ball.

"nice pass" said Kagami as he rocketed up into the air like a rocket and slam dunked the ball like a dunkin' donut.

"well well well" said Hyuga. "not bad."

"thanks coach" said the team.

"you know" said hyuga as he adjusted his wig. "when junpei wasn't doing well i destroyed his samurai figurines for each shot he didn't make. i did it right in front of his face too." his glasses shone radiantly. "i broke them into tiny pieces. even the one his late grandfather had built for him out of birch wood. ^_^ it was his only remaining memory of him if I recall correctly."

"ok …" the team listened with confusion.

"i think my methods were successful." said Hyuga. "for each shot he missed, i broke a figurine. makes sense right?"

"i guess so" said Kagami as he furrowed his weird messed up eyebrows.

"so I thought, _hey_. why not re-introduce my methods to the team. for each shot you miss, my dear team, i'm going to break …. a bone."

"ummm"

"that's right. one of your bones. i'll let you choose which one the first couple of times since i'm … such a generous coach." his glasses twinkled.

"don't be trippin' coach" said #2.

"yeah!" said Kagami. "we need those to win the tournament! desu."

"well then" said Hyuga "you'd better not miss any shots then, hadn't u."

meanwhile … at another japanese basketball school …

"the stream basketbrawl tournament, huh …" said a voice darkly.

"that isn't what i said. that isn't the right name."

"sounds interesting" chuckled the voice … darkly again.

"i thought it would get you excited again ^_^" the camera zoomed in to reveal …. the glasses captain guy! not that glasses captain guy, but the other one. the one that isn't Hyuga. the one you dream of at night when you close your eyes. you only close your eyes to get closer to him … because his eyes are always closed …. ~

"well, it's not traditional basketball" smirked Aomine smirkingly. "but … since when did i ever play by the rules anyway?" a dark background enraptured the Aomine.

"pretty much all the time actually. ^_^ but that isn't the point. it looks like we could win this tournament, aoMINE."

"what did you call me?"

"*nervous coughing* aomine." said Imayoshi. "I hear the Seirin team is participating too."

"ohhh?" Aomine's interest was piqued. and that wasn't the only thing.

"ya it's tru." Imayoshi raised his glass. "slave, get me another apple martini!"

"y-yes sir" cried the apologetic mushroom. he scampered away in his maid outfit. "gomen nasai~~~!"

"anyway," said Imayoshi. "you think ur up for this? its a dangerous game."

"heh" smirked aomine. "danger is my middle name."

"ok now you're just trying too hard."

"o.o"

the months slowly passed by. the date of the tournament was vast approaching. the date of Kagami and Kuroko had long passed and they were due for another one. Seirin had been practicing their basketball alongside their newest most mysterious and handsome member, Shiroko Tetsuya. after all this time no one knew where he had come from or what he was thinking but they couldn't pass up that ass(et to their team).

their learned techniques had gone beyond basketball passes and flips and sweaty men in the shower. under the taller and more manly coach Riko's lead … the team had learned a variety of other skills that would be needed for the Xtreem tournament of life and death. cleverly hidden in their snazzy black uniforms were weapons of all kinds. kagami got in trouble for being too obvious due to the large bulge in his pants, but it turned out his weapon was actually strapped to his back and hyuga apologized and prompty ran out of the room in shame.

"well boys" said Hyuga. "this is it. tomorrow is the big day and i hope u all have your eyes on the prize. everyone stop staring at Kagami. i mean first place. now." he marched along the court and looked really stupid tbh. "i want to hear what all your hopes and dreams are for this tournament! all of you! prove to me your worthiness!"

"I want to be the best in japan" said Kagami. the team cheered.

"I also want to be the best in japan." said Kuroko. the team cheered after they noticed he had said something.

"i want to win the tournament and feast on victory ramen atop the corpses we've left in our wake" said cat guy.

"*eyebrow wiggle* *strange grabbing motion with both hands*" said eyebrows guy.

"this steak is steaklicious" said Izuki. everyone rolled on the floor with laughter.

"I want to win the tournament and be celebrity cool people things with many money paper squares!" said Seirin Member B.

"I want to bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles, and we'd all eat it and be happy..." said Midorima.

"… he doesn't even go here" said Kuroko.

"do you even go to this school?" Hyuga stared at him.

"no." said midorima as he pushed up his glasses. "I just have a lot of feelings, nanodayo." a single tear rolled down his face as he exited the gym.


	5. BLOODBATH-CHAN

"the tournament is tomorrow," said Murisakibara as he took a bite of the world's largest gummy bear.

"I am aware," said HimuHimu. "but thank you for telling the audience."

"no prob." MurasakiBARA took off the gummy's face in one bite. it sated his need for blood … for now ….

"you have ur weapon?" said Himuro, settling into a bed of soft fluffy bedness as he combed hair gel into his raven locks.

"of course," said big purple. from out of his pockets he produced a giant knife and fork. his eyes glowed ominously. "we'll be the only team in japan when i'm done," he said.

"hey I thought you quit basketball" said random team member. Murasakibara ate him.

some cool rock tunes began to play as seirin ventured out of their motel and into the streets where the sun shone on them, doing its shounen duty for the day. "ur welcome" it said passive aggressively.

the team rode a golf cart driven by hyuga. "hey coach" said cat guy. "what team are we up against first?"

"all of them," said hyuga, his glasses shining radiantly.

"eEEEEH?" the screen split into six pieces to show the most important surprised faces.

"what do you mean?!" said Kagami. "desu."

"I never told you?" hyuga chuckled. "this is the ultimate xstream ultra basketbrawl tournament. we play by different rules."

"this sounds dangerous coach" said cat guy. Seirin Student A sat in the back seat, crying into a tissue.

"if you want to be the best in japan you had better damn well do as I say" said Hyuga. Seirin Student A wailed. "WHAT IS IT NOW" said Hyuga, veering the golf cart into traffic.

"it's Seirin Student B, coach …" said Kagami. "you broke his leg when he missed a shot, remember?"

"oh" said Hyuga. Seirin Student A burst into tears. "well," said the captain coach, "since I broke the bones of all our substitutes you guys will have to just play harder."

"ok coach" said the team.

they arrived in the town square at the fountain, where a statue of a naked man holding a basketball stood. it was very … realistic. perched on the upper level of the fountain was Kazuwada, an OC I just invented.

"who's that" said Kagami.

"um obvs the ref, Kagami" said meow man. "can't u tell from his stripes"

"but … he's only wearing underwear"

"weLL THEY'RE STRIPED AREN'T THEY?!" cat man hissed.

"look," said Shiroko as the wind tousled his glamourous locks. "he has a whistle, too."

"so he does," said Kuroko.

"excuse me" said Hyuga. "we are here. Team Seirin. We have practiced long and hard for this conquest."

"why heLLOOOOOO" said Kazuwada. his legs dangled off the edge of the fountain and the sunlight beamed behind him, making him a silhouette of Kazuwada.

"um aren't you getting wet" said Kuroko. he was. water was spilling out beneath him.

"that may be" said the referee, "but doesn't this look a lot more dramatic?" he posed gallantly.

"he has a point" said meow man. the team nodded agreement and marvelled at Kazuwada for half an hour.

"ENOUGH," said Hyuga. "We are here! when does the game start!"

"very soon" said Kazuwada. "i'll just write you in."

"umm you're just writing in the air" said Kurok. Kazuwada ignored him.

after Kazuwada somersaulted from the top of the fountain he told the team the rules. the court was not a typical court. the court spanned … THE ENTIRE CITY. At each end there was a net … it was Seirin's job to get the ball to the north hoop. yes, you heard me right, reader-chan. there would be one ball …. and FIVE TEAMS. no wait, more than five. what am I saying. author-sensei's been getting into the liquor cabinets again. well anyway, the ball would be released by another referee-san, and … you don't care about the rules, right? let's get back to this MARVELOUS FAN FIC ^_^_^_^

"GO SEIRIN!" commanded Hyuga. he then ripped off his skirt.

"CAPTAIN" said the team. "you're late! the game just started!"

"yes" said Hyuga "good thing i made it in time. now let's go!"

and so the shounen heroes ran on their little sports shoes, sweating and looking every which way for the basketball. Where could it be … how could they find it !

"I know" said Izuki. he activated the power of his EAGLE EYE. HE SAW THE WHOLE COURT … IN THIS CASE, THE ENTIRE CITY.

"isn't that cheating" said a pedestrian. Kagami kicked him into oncoming traffic.

"it's somewhere to the left" said Izuki. "no … it's on the east side of town! I'm getting something!" he focussed on his magical omniscient power. "what's that … is it? THE CARNIVAL?!"

"well done Izuki!" said Hyuga. "that's amazing! I could just KISS YOU"

"well … if you insist …" said Izuki but Hyuga had already ran ahead. a violin song began to play.

the team approached the carnival gates. "let's not coast along," said Izuki. "are we wheel-y going to the carnival? that's not FAIR."

"….."

"carnival puns" said Izuki.

"Izuki you're really starting to lose it" said Seirin Student A.

"ur just bitter because Seirin Student B may never walk again."

everything went silent. "harsh, Izuki," said Kagami. everyone walked away from him.

the carnival was full of people but that did not matter for a strong team like seirin. they just shoved people out of the way.

"QUICK" said kagam, "before another team gets here! we have to find the ball! Izuki where is it?!"

"I see … I see a large … spinning thing …"

"the bumper cars!" exclaimed Kagami

"no Kagami I think it's the ferris wheel."

": ( "

the team ran. of course they ran. there can never be enough running descriptions in this story. one foot in front of the other, left foot and then the right foot … the heel and then the toe, leaving the ground one after the other. but what about the arms?! the left arm swinging forward, and then … THE RIGHT ARM. yes. majestic.

meanwhile … in the shadows …

"I knew it," said a shadowy figure of mysterious mystery. "another team's here. we'll have to hurry our search before it's too late."

"well obviously" said another shadow. "why even say that?"

"whatever" said the other shadow. "we need to find the ball before the other team."

"you're full of shocking revelations today" said another shadow.

"silence! I'm your captain!"

"you could be our mascot instead," said another shadow. "you're so teeny tiny. maybe you could dress up as a hedgehog or something."

"enough, before I kill you all in cold blood," said the captain.

"aww guys let's stop teasing him ^_^" said a different shadow. even his shadow was beauteous as a spring day. "what team did you see, captain?"

"…Seirin …" said the captain.

the shadow paused …. and turned … and gazed into the sunlight. "Kurokocchi …. "

"There it is!" said Kagami. "THE FERRIS WHEEL!"

"alright" said Hyuga. "we need a plan."

"allow me" said Shiroko. a prism of rainbow danced in his eyes. "how about everyone gets on a cart," he told them. "that way we have a better chance of finding the ball."

"HE'S A GENIUS" said meow man. "hurry! let's get on board!" he ran on all fours onto the first ferris wheel cart. the team soon followed, one onto the other onto the other and ya.

"come on" said Kagami, taking Kuroko's hand. "you're my shadow remember … you've gotta stick by my side"

"aww" said Izuki

"wow izuki can you not" said Kagami. together they boarded a cart.

Kuroko scanned it. "it looks like the ball isn't in this one" he said.

"damn" said Kagami. he looked out the window. "nice view tho. but we don't have time for that. we need to get to another cart."

"we'll have to wait for the wheel to go around. we'll try again."

"NO" said Kagami. he slammed a wall with his fist. "who knows who else is here! I wanna be the very best"

"please don't start singing"

"ok. anyway we need to go faster than that." said Kagami. he unlatched the door.

"Kagami-kun" said Kuroko. "that's not safe."

"Kuroko" said Kagami. "I have to be the one to do this. I'm the only one who can jump high enough to reach the other carts. you've gotta let me go"

"Kagami-kun .." Kuroko's eyes sparkled. "be careful."

Kagami smiled. "I'll come back for you" he said … then he jumped dramatically out the door. Kuroko put his hand on the glass as a karaoke version of that titanic song began to play. the wind ruffled his hair as he gazed down at the beautiful horizon. ok it wasn't so beautiful … more tacky than anything really with all the carnival stuff. he noticed there was popcorn …. he had to remember to get some when this was over. mmm mmm it looked good.

Kagami climbed up onto the roof of the cart. it was windy, but he was too sturdy to be knocked over. "where is it" he muttered to himself for some reason. he crouched, and then JUMPED UP ONTO THE NEXT CART. he barely reached the edge and fell onto his knees but he made it. "heh" he said as he wiped away a drop of sweat. he climbed down into the cart through the window, startling a mother and her two children.

"WHY ARE YOU ON OUR CART" said the mom.

"haven't you ever heard of BASKETBALL?" said Kagami. then he crawled back out. the ball wasn't in this one either … he jumped to the next one and swung down through the window again, knocking into a dark-haired highschooler and his three friends. all were wearing swimsuits.

"sorry wrong anime lol" said Kagami. he climbed out and jumped to the next cart. "whoa" he said. he almost slipped. it was a long way down, he was starting to notice …. but he wouldn't give up. trying hard is never a waste, or whatever that cool quote was. this cart was empty, he noticed. no basketball here either. as he made his way back to the window to crawl out, the whole cart shook violently. "WHOA" said Kagam as he was knocked onto the floor.

"what the …" he stumbled to his feet and approached the window again, climbing back onto the roof when he saw …..

"we meet again" said the captain.

"y-you're from Kise's-!"

"thats right" said the small hedgehog man, "and now … " he unsheathed a samurai sword. "this ends for you."

"what's with that weapon?" said Kagami.

"what do u mean? it's cool"

"I don't know" said Kagam. "it doesn't really suit you … "

"really?"

"eh just my opinion"

"no its cool its cool. man, i guess i should have gone with the shotgun."

"it'd definitely be more convenient"

"but kinda less cool, right?"

"eh maybe"

the wind rippled through their hair.

"anyway" said the captain. "prepare to meet your doom" he ran at Kagami and slashed. Kagam ducked! it wasn't very effective!

"stay still so I can cut you" the captain growled. "you know I've been wanting to do this for a long time." there was something in his eyes that did not look entirely sane. "ever since that day …"

"tch. so you want revenge, is that it?" Kagami said. "because we beat you?"

"not just that" said the captain, brandishing his shiny blade thing. "because you made me cry." his eyes shone. "make me cry, and die. i'll cut down a man for every tear you made me shed."

"ok that's a little dramatic isn't it" Kagami took a step back.

"I fell to my knees and sobbed because I lost a high school basketball game" said the captain. "what makes you think I'd be any other way?" he swung the sword again. Kagami veered right. he stumbled and almost fell down… the ground was so far away. no! _I can't lose here_ he thought. Kuroko's face flashed through his mind among shoujo bubbles … he could hear his voice calling him … he could see his tiny Kuroko smile …

"RRAAAAAAAHHH!" said Kagami. he charged at the captain and slammed his fist into the captain's wrist. the sword fell to the floor. their eyes met and they both leapt for it at once, rolling over one another in the struggle!

"I won't let you beat me!" shouted Kagami.

"it's not yourself you should be worrying about" said the captain.

"whats that supposed to mean" said Kagami. the captain gave an evil chuckle of doom. "answer me!" said Kagami as he punched the captain in the face. they rolled again in the struggle for the sword.

"things are looking baddow … for your shadow"

"wait what" said Kagami. and then the thought hit him in a red lightning bolt! he looked down the row of carts. "no …" he said. "KUROKO!"

Kuroko sat on the bench enjoying the view. he wished he had brought a book to read. maybe one of aomine's weird magazines.

suddenly a hand slammed down at the window's edge. then another! Kuroko got to his feet and backed up against the wall.

"Kurokocchi … " said a voice, and suddenly the hands were scrambling into the cart, pulling up a man Kuroko knew all too well. "IiIiiIiI FoOOUuuuNnNdD yYooOOUuuuu ~"

a pair of yellow eyes met his blue ones (in case u forgot). with a thin smile Kise staggered into the cart. suddenly his eyes were obscured by scary anime shadow. "kKUuuroKocchiIII~" he stumbled back and forth with slow steps that were almost like a zombie but not rlly since he's not a zombie he's just Kise.

"Kise-kun" said Kuroko.

"I sent you another letter yesterday …" he said. "I figured after the first four hundred and ninety two you might write me back …" he said, laughing slowly. he met kuroko's eyes. "why won't you write me back, Kurokocchi?" he took a step closer, blanketing the small shadow in his own shadow. ya. "_why_?"

"Kise-kun …" Kuroko said again as he pressed himself against the wall. "I've been busy practicing. also, the post office no longer delivers to my house anymore. they say their building is becoming too full of letters. it's an inconvenience for all involved."

"you know, Kurokocchi …" said Kise (in case u forgot), "I put a lot into those letters. I even bought a special set of gel pens and stickers … blue, your favourite …"

"blue isn't my favourite colour."

kise ignored him. "all I wanted was to play basketball with you … like old days … ha ha … ha …."

"Kise-kun, calm down" said Kurok. but it was useless. Kise approached him some more. wow this is a big ferris wheel cart.

"but Kurokocchi is … _too busy_ … I know the real reason why. you can't hide anything from me, kurokocchi ^_^" he smiled like that emote. "it's because you're practicing … that's true … practicing with that … _Kagamicchi._"

"Kise-"

"I bet he has a lot of fun with you. I mean … why wouldn't he? he gets to be with Kurokocchi every day …" Kise stepped closer. "but he doesn't know you like I do. you know it too … don't you Kurokocchi?" he produced a bloody meat cleaver … from somewhere. he had a bag. shhhhh.

Kuroko's eyes widened. O.O

"I'm … _yo__u__r Tr_UUEE … _Li_IiG_gHT …" _he said raggedly. "look at his hair … red and blACK … look at his EYES ….. but me, Kurokocchi …" he looked at him wide-eyed. "I was bORN tO be YOuR LIghT. i am … gOLDEN …" he brought down the meat cleaver.

tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion of the basketbrawl tournament. no wait it's not the conclusion of that. don't you worry reader-chans. stay tuned for what will happen to our young heroes … !


	6. Two Birds with One Basketball

as he brought down the meat cleaver upon kuroko tetsuya's head, kise kiseston (i forgot his last name for a sec) found himself gazing upon the merry go round. "wha-" the blade hit the wall. kuroko was at the other end of the cart.

"I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH UR FUCKIN MISDIRECTION KUROKOCCHI." he wrenched the cleaver free from the wall.

"Kise-kun…" Kuroko Kuroked. "put that down so we can talk."

"i'm done with talking, my sweet kurokocchi …" he brandished the bloody meat cleaver. kuroko watched the red blood dripping from its blade.

"who … kise-kun, who is that blood from?"

Kise chuckled darkly, taking one final step forward. "don't worry about it" he said.

"tell me," pressed kurok.

"nawwww" said Kise. "don't even worry about it."

"kise-kun-"

thE BLADE SWISHED THROUGH THE AIR, CUTTING A SPLINTER OF LIGHT BLUE HAIR FROM KUROKO'S LIGHT BLUE HEAD.

"you've gotten faster, kurokocchi." he swung again, tearing the sleeve of Kuroko's seirin jacket. kuroko yelped uguuly and fell to the floor. Kise towered over him!

"aNy lAst wORds, kurOkoCChi?" kise cackled.

"yes" said kuroko. "enjoy the ground."

"wha-" SMASH! KAGAMI'S NIKE SNEAKER COLLIDED WITH KISE'S CHEEK. flying through the window, kagami taiga was a sparkly sparkle man. the impact was so impactful that kiss went flying out the other end of the cart. and then he was gone.

"Kuroko.." said Kagami as he rushed towards his kurok. "are you hurty hurt?"

"you were worried about me" said kurok.

"don't be stupid. baka." kagami blusshu. / then he helped him up.

"you murdered kise-kun" said kuroko.

"yup" said Kagami proudly, posing. "and guess what else." he removed the basketball from underneath his jersey.

"oh i thought you were mpreg."

together they rode the rest of the way down and got off to join their seirin team. then they noticed one of them on the ground … in a sea of blood red blood.

"TEPPEI!" they screamed as they ran to him. "wait" said Kagami. "he wasn't even here."

"why …" croaked teppei "do these things always happen to me …. "

"NOOOOO! TEPPEI!" Hyuga cried. why did I almost call him junpei. CONSISTENCY! ahem hem are you paying attention? if you have a heart you will be crying for teppei now o.o

Teppei went limp. an ambulance ran over many carnival goers to reach the dying bara. they loaded him onto a stretcher.

"promise me … you'll visit me in the hospital .." said Teppei.

"I promise" said Hyuga with tears flowing from his glasses. the ambulance drove away. Hyuga put on a skirt.

"COACH LOOK" Kagami told him. "I GOT THE BALL"

"not so loud you blubbering fool" said Hyuga.

"c-coach?"

"I mean, yay! ^ _ ^"

the team ran out of the carnival with the basketball tucked safely beneath Kagami's jacket. some people stopped him to ask how far along he was. kagami picked them up and threw them. eventually they were in the city again.

"we need to come up with a plan" said mr. meow.

"yes" said hyuga. "we need to find a way to get to the net at the other end of the city with the least chance of interference."

"ya!" said Kagami unhelpfully.

"whatever happens" said Hyuga "prepare to kill anyone that gets in our way"

"YA" said the shounen heroes.

"hey" said Izuki. "there's a horse drawn carriage coming our way! hurry! time is NEIGH!"

the others fell silent. they got on the carriage. "to the end of the city!" said Kagam. "the north end! we've gotta score that goal!"

"understood" said the carriage driver, whipping the horses to move into the traffic. luckily everyone survived.

half an hour passed. finally hyuga spoke up. "hey! DRIVER!" he said with shiny glasses. "this doesn't look like the way to the north end!" he began to notice that there were no more cars … in fact … this was a forest. a forest of cherry blossom trees. it was beautiful and kawaii but dark and crowded as well.

"YA!" said Kagami unhelpfully. "just where do you think you're taking us, driver-san?!"

"why … into a trap, nanodayo."

!

all the seirin members dove out of the cart and tumbled onto the ground right before the explosion hit. they could see a familiar figure walking through the smoke … with glasses gleaming in a glasses like way.

"today's lucky item," said Midorima Shintarou, the kawaii prince. he held up a small switch with his thumb above the little red button. "you may outrun me, but you can't escape me." he adjusted his glasses in slow motion. "my range … is the entire forest."

the screen split into 14 pieces, 8 for Seirin, one for Midorima, and 5 for the people that will ever read this. your welcome, I just wrote you a spot in the story. put on your best shocked face.

Kuroko sprung to his feet.

"how fitting" said Izuki. "spring has sprung." he caught a falling cherry blossom. "did you know that the rate at which these falls is 5 cm per second?"

"ew who let the nerd on our team" said hyuga. he ran away into the distance. "everyone!" he shouted. "protect …. the person with the ball!" _aw yeah saved myself there_, he thought with an eye twinkle.

another explosion exploded explosively. Kagami grabbed Kuroko and tucked into a roll. they twitched as they lay half unconscious on the ground. "urrrg …" Kagami's eyes flickered open. seirin had scattered.

"anyone there?" said Midorima, pressing the button. the left side of the cherry blossom field exploded. "no?" he pushed his glasses up. "how about here?" another explosion happened.

"Kagami …" called Kuroko. "we need to move."

"we have to get rid of that guy, that's what we gotta do" groaned Kagami as he got to his feet.

"no," said Kuroko. "Kagami-kun, you mustn't kill Midorima."

"huh? but why? I killed Kise"

"I don't know," said Kuroko. "but there is some kind of bias at play here."

suddenly, a beautiful figure dropped down from the cherry blossom tree in front of him. his white glimmering hair shimmered in the wimmered. I mean wind. his eyes flashed like rainbow prisms.

"Shiroko!" said Kagam.

"bet you forgot about me," said shiroko tetsuya. "I would have."

another explosion sounded. "MEEEOWWWWWWWW!"

GASP. "they got cat face guy!" Kagami cried.

"we need to move" said Kuroko.

"yes" said Shiroko. "gather the others and run." he said, facing away dramatically. " I … have a plan."


End file.
